One of the most difficult things a child who has identified as being bisexual, lesbian or gay has to deal with is bullying. It can come from their classmates and others and happen at school, on the street and online. Many more people are accepting and supporting of gay, lesbian and bisexual people, but there are still many out there who are not.
Bullying, of any sort, cannot be condoned. It doesn't matter what it is about—weight, race, intelligence level, or sexual preference. Nearly every school in the United States has developed anti-bullying guidelines and programs to prevent it from happening. Many of the guidelines include punishments for acts in school, out of school and online. If your school doesn't have guidelines or programs to help prevent bullying, approach your school board and request that they change that.
My Child is Being Bullied
Watch for signs that your child is being bullied. These include requests to stay home from school, frequent crying, low self-esteem, unexplained injuries or torn clothing, property or money missing, and sleep problems. If you notice any of these signs, ask your child if everything is okay then get more specific about what happened.
If your child tells you they are being bullied, assure them they did the right thing in telling you and praise them for their courage. You should also tell them that the bullying isn't their fault and it is wrong. Next, sit down with your child to document what has happened. Be sure to find out where and when it happened as well as anyone who may have seen what happneed.
It is almost always better to allow an unbiased party handle a case of bullying. If it happened at school, have your child report the incident to his or her teacher or a guidance counselor. If it happened away from school, you should report it to the police. Do not contact the bully's parents or guardians as it could cause the problem to escalate.
There are some things you can teach your child so that the next time they are bullied they know how to handle it. Teach them to walk away or forcefully tell the bully to stop while looking confident (making eye contact, standing up straight and using "I" statements, like "I don't like it when you push me."). Remind them who they should talk to if they are being bullied, like their teacher or the principal, and how to ask for help with dealing with the situation. Lastly, you can teach them how to help others who are being bullied.
My Child is Bullying
It is never easy when you find out your child is the bully. It is up to you to tell your child that their behavior is unacceptable and not tolerate it. Let your child know if they bully there will be negative consequences for their behavior that will increase with each infraction. Explain to your child why their behavior is considered bullying and offer other ways they could have handled the situation that are better. It is better that you explain it to your child than a police officer or judge.
If your child took property or money, make sure they return them to the target of their bullying. If they damaged the target's clothes or property, work with them to come up with a way to pay for the damages. You should also make your child apologize for their behavior.
If your child's bullying behavior does not change, you may want to consider taking him or her to a professional counselor. Choose one that has been trained in how to work with bullies. Another alternative is to have your child participate in the school's anti-bullying programs.
Getting Help
Thankfully, there are many organizations out there fighting to end discrimination against and hatred towards bisexuals, lesbians, and gays. You can find them in the Resource section.
